Are We Done Yet?

    

    In the first week of Corban's life, I was asked the question a total of 10 times if we were done having babies. From nurses to strangers to friends to pediatricians, this question was top on the list. And while I think it's rooted in curiosity with no bad intention, it typically seems to come with an insinuation of, "You're done, right?" 

    It's funny because whenever we got married the question was, "Do y'all want to have kids?" Then after having our first son it was, "When are you going to have another?" Because if you have one, you might as well have two and if you have a boy, you'd surely like a girl. After baby number two, we got, "A boy and a girl, how perfect." Then we crashed that "perfect" picture with another baby. After three, the question came, "Do y'all want to have anymore?" But with four, after FOUR children, it's, "Are you done?!" This progression reflects how people think and is largely shaped by what's culturally expected. Most surely want to have one child, likely two so there is a sibling. Three is possibly manageable, but four is A LOT and must mean you're done. But being done implies that something has been started. Most people it seems, get married & hold off on being open to having a baby (through birth control or other means of prevention). Then when they decide they want to have a baby, they start trying, meaning they stop preventing. We never started trying to have babies. We simply got married and participated in God's good design of marriage.

    God, in His sovereignty has given Jonathan and me a gift that He, also in His sovereignty, could take away. He has given us the good gift of being able to conceive, carry, birth, and raise children. This is a gift I am humbled to receive, knowing there's nothing I have done to earn it or be worthy of it. I know too many who do not have this gift and it breaks my heart. The gift of fertility is not lost on me. And because I know it is a gift from God, my goal in stewarding the gift is to give it back to Him. To submit it to Him and say, "God, this is Yours. Use it how you will. Not my will, but yours be done." 

    Most questions that come in regards to building a family are rooted in wants. Literally in MY will. "Do you WANT kids?" "How many do YOU want?" "When do YOU want to have them?" "Do you WANT more?" As a follower of Jesus, the call is to not make decisions based on what we want, but consider and seek what He wants, knowing that our flourishing will follow our submission to Him. This is a counter-cultural concept, but obedience to God is where life to the full is found. Culture today says our wants, our feelings, our desires are to be esteemed above all else. What you want is your right to have. But wisdom of the world is foolishness to God. We are called to not conform to the world, but be transformed so that we can know what God wants. And what better way to know what God wants than to fully surrender everything to Him? 

    So to answer the question, "Are you done?" No, we are not done trusting God with our fertility. I am not so prideful as to think that God would continue gifting us with these eternal hearts made in His image. We are not trying to have as many kids as we can, but neither are we trying to deny God's gifts. We will continue to live open handed with our fertility, knowing God opens wombs and closes them. That may mean we only have these four children and to God be the glory for them, may we steward their hearts well. Or that may mean we have eleven children, in which case to God be the glory, may we steward their hearts well. We know that God is good and are actively choosing to trust Him to determine the number of kids we should have. What I want can be left out of it although so far I have four and I surely want them all!      

Making it Matter, 

Laura Jones

Idolagram

    Getting Instagram and Facebook out of my life for an entire year was one of the best decisions and I 100% recommend it to everyone. I know, I know, it's where I kept up with distant friends too. Yes, I totally missed out on wedding pictures and baby announcements and engagements. Yes, I also had to let go of the business I was running on it. I missed out on following good, Christian influencers and being encouraged by their pages. I didn’t see any birthday posts on my birthday. No one saw my kids' cuteness all year unless we were together. I didn't do a fourth baby pregnancy announcement. No one knew how God was teaching me and changing me. My circle of influence shrunk. I wasn't as seen. No one sent me likes. And it was so good and healthy and worth it and I think you should do it too!

    The excuses and reasons not to get off social media are SO REAL. And honestly it is beyond easy to talk yourself out of it. I know because I had contemplated it for far too long prior to last year, each time stacking up my pro-con list and weighing the cons a little heavier. Until I finally acknowledged how much it negatively impacted my time and connection with God- which really has more weight than anything on the list. I think it nearly impossible to "mind your own business and lead a quiet life" while simultaneously desiring to be seen and heard and liked by as many as possible. Until it was stripped away, I really had no idea how much of a hold these platforms had on my life or in the way I used it to find additional value and significance. When I deleted the apps and committed not to log in for the year, I thought it mostly a calling by God because of the amount of time I wasted on it and how it interfered with my relationship with Him and being present. And it was those things. But God showed me so much more than just that. 

    I thought being off insta would make me feel more lonely, less seen by others. I thought it would be kind of sad to not have people see the ways my kids were growing and the hilarious things they would do. I thought stuff we did or places we went might not matter as much. I dreaded being out of the know on everything going on in people's lives. I thought I would feel less significant. None of these things happened. My confidence, contentment, quality of relationships, presence, closeness with God, were all only strengthened last year. I dressed my kids in cute outfits or did fun crafts or went on fun adventures and no one knew about it and it in no way took away from what we did or how much fun we had doing it. I saw the superficiality of so much of what I thought was a gain through being on social media. The unlasting satisfaction of it all. 

    I also realized our (humans') obsession with being in the know of everyone's lives. We want to know. If there's drama or a breakup, we want to know. If there's a new baby or an engagement, even if we literally haven't spoken to this person in 10 years, we want to know. The people we admired in junior high, we want to see what their lives have become. The people we once disliked or judged, we want to see them now. We are obsessed with knowing. But knowing in a sense of just seeing, getting a glimpse via a photo or post. Not in seeking to know who they are. Not with the goal of meeting together and exchanging stories and building a real-ationship. Just in the picture stalking kinda knowing. I realized last year how little I really need to see into anyone's lives who I don't personally know. Because those I know, I saw, I met with, I talked to. I didn't need to see their latest announcement or pictures because I was living it with them. Or on the phone regularly if they were far. And my relationships were deepened and strengthened and more fulfilling because of it. I even connected with old friends in more personal ways that I wouldn't have otherwise. I was motivated to keep up with people personally not in a mass post hit-a-like-form. Most of the knowing on social media is superficial, but boy do we like it. And we like being "known" that way too. It's simple, non-committal, controllable, and gives a temporary feeling of being seen. Which is kind of like being known, but way less how God intended. 

    As I learn and see so much differently now, I have yet to log back into my instagram even though my "fast" ended 4 months ago. I have been praying through whether I will engage it again or just take what I want off it and delete it. For now, I am just staying off it, because even with all I have seen and learned, I know how quickly I can become addicted or find worth in it again. I think that is what it was designed to do, or at the very least how the enemy wants to use it. And I just don't want to give in. I keep thinking that it is a morally neutral tool though and that it can be used for good. And that people do use it for good. But for morally neutral, it is a battleground of temptation. Invitations to compare, judge, envy, think more highly of yourself, think less of yourself, seek comfort, waste time, and find identity. In the years of engaging, I cannot say using it has been a tool that led to more holiness or flourishing in my life personally, and in the last year I saw how letting it go did that. I am not confident I can successfully enter the battleground without continually falling prey. So I am continuing to seek God on it. Because there are also a lot of reasons it makes sense this day and age to have it. But at what expense? The idols of our day are unlikely to be golden calves or little statues, but we must be alert to the idols that beckon for our attention, devotion, and satisfaction. They are not worthy; only the true Eternal God is. 

    "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul."

Making it Matter,

Laura Jones

Who Am I?

    I watched a video where a kid asked Kamala Harris, the current Vice President of the United States, the best advice her parents had ever given her. This was her response: "One of the most important pieces of advice that I can offer you guys, and I want you to really remember this: Never let anybody tell you who you are. You tell them who you are. Never let anybody suggest to you that you are what they think you should be. You tell them who you are and who you know you are and who you intend to be. You got that?"

    Thankfully my kids didn't hear that advice because this is 100% the opposite of everything I want to do as a parent. Left to ourselves, we do not know who we are. The purpose of a created thing is found in the one who created it. Imagine having no knowledge of what an iPhone is for and using it as a coaster on the coffee table. I mean sure, it could be used a coaster, albeit an expensive one, but that’s really missing out on the fullness of its capabilities or designated purpose. A kid needs to be told who they are, whose they are, and why they are. These are the questions God answers in His Word. I will never stop telling my kids that they are image bearers of their Creator. That they were created by God on purpose and for a purpose. That they are boys (for my sons) and girls (for my daughters) by design and that is good. I will tell them that they are sons and daughters of Jonathan Jones who is the son of Larry Jones (who is the son of Ken and Billie Jones) and Judy Jones (who is the daughter of Don and Janelle Kavanaugh). And that they are sons and daughters of Laura Jones who is the daughter of Mark Hemingway (son of Jess and Grace Hemingway) and Paula Hemingway (daughter of Paul and Carolyn Mott) and so forth. As children they will be given a secured identity not made up through looking within, soul searching or trial and error, but because they will be told exactly who they are in the context of who came generations before them as well as in the context of God's great big story that they get to play a part in simply by being His creation. 

    The message of "you do you" is rampant in today's culture, encouraging people to decide who they want to be and then told to let no one stand in their way. While this has been a message for a while now aimed at adults, it is increasingly taking ground towards children. “You don’t need parents- you do you. Don’t let your parents hinder you.” This has now led to the drastic degree of “if who you are is a boy, but you want to be a girl, you can and should be a girl.” The intentional push for confusion on kids today is evil and inevitably leads to devastating consequences as well as instability and insecurity. If who we are is based on how we feel, then we will truly never find ourselves because feelings shift on the daily. If who we are is based on the opinions of others, then our identity will ebb and flow rising and falling in confidence. If who we are is based on what we accomplish or on our career, then it is contingent on how we perform, again unsteady. The concept of "finding yourself", outside of God's Word or design, leads to lifelong identity crises and insecurity. A secure identity is rooted in that which is unchanging. Or rather, Who is unchanging. When your identity is rooted in Christ, you are secure, not because of who YOU are, but because of who HE is in you. 

    As our culture steps further away from a fear of God, there is only increasing confusion on identity, and it is my life's work and passion to give my kids a foundation that provides confidence and security in their God given identity. I want my kids to celebrate all that it means to be created a boy or a girl and to walk proudly in that. I want my kids to increase in their confidence that every detail of how they were designed, from physical appearance to personality to giftings was purposefully crafted by God for them to use to glorify Him and serve others in a unique way. This is where people thrive. This is the foundation that builds into living out exactly who we were meant to be. To tell kids to just figure it out- from their gender to their attraction to their purpose in life- by considering how they feel, looking within, and then deciding all they want to be is a foundation for endless searching and confusion that leads to an adulthood of the same. This is why God gave kiddos parents. To help them navigate and discover and celebrate all God made them to be in a way that leads to healthy flourishing as they grow. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

    Micaiah, Essie, Gracie, and Corby, God created every detail of you who are on purpose. He knit you together in my womb and then carefully delivered you into this world at just the right time. He has made you fearfully and wonderfully and He is worthy of all your praise. Each of you are God’s workmanship. You were created in Christ to do good works that God has specifically prepared for each of you. It is my greatest privilege as your Mommy to call out all I see God crafting in you and to celebrate exactly who He has made you to be as His sons and daughters. All you may seek in life is found fully in Him.

 

Making it Matter,

Laura Jones  

Halley Raye

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

    I don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in God. I am grateful to have grown up in a home that was a foretaste of heaven. The kind of home that is safe and filled with love. The kind of home that made me think it reasonable to believe there was a good Father in heaven who gives good gifts. I could see His love and experienced His good gifts in a tangible way at home through my family. My mom taught me about Jesus and showed me who He was by the way she cared for me. She was present and comforting, tucking me in to bed each night, telling me stories, and always being available. Yes, it was natural to believe in a good God who gives good gifts.

    I am the youngest of 6 in my family and having my 5 siblings has always been one of my favorite of God’s good gifts. I have always deeply cared for my siblings and most of my childhood journals are filled with prayers for each of them. My oldest sister, Marla was 15 when I was born and started dating her now-husband, Nate when I was just 1. I really don’t know life without them together. When I was 10, I opened up a really good gift from them, which actually just represented another really good gift from my good God. I opened a blush pink shirt that had white letters ironed on spelling out in all caps, “AUNT LAURA.” When I opened it, I screamed. Loudly. I was so unbelievably excited. I have always been a baby person but as the youngest, I never got to have a little sibling. I was left only to care for my baby dolls, which I had many of and cared for quite well I must say. But this was a BIG deal to me. A new title: “Aunt Laura”. I just loved the sound of it and was so proud. After all, none of my friends were Aunts so I felt especially honored. When I found out they were having a baby girl, all my dreams really came alive. In my mind, I basically was going to be this girl’s second mom and change all the diapers and hold her all the time and pick out all her outfits. This was going to be so much better than a baby doll. My excitement overflowed.

    My niece, Halley Raye was born via c-section Jan 27, 2004 and immediately taken to NICU because of difficulty breathing. My 10 year old brain had limited understanding to any of the details going on, but all I knew was that she was sick and that we needed to pray for her. My parents had many family meetings with us where we spent time praying and reading Scriptures that gave hope and comfort. I knew Halley was sick and I knew God was going to heal her. I had no doubt. My faith in my good God who gives good gifts assured me that Halley would be okay. I put all my trust in that.

    We got to go see Halley in the NICU. She was hooked up to a breathing machine and had a feeding tube going up her nose, but I got to hold her. I proudly wore my “AUNT LAURA” shirt and held that baby girl’s warm body against it, taking in every detail about her. She had the most distinct smell, that fresh baby girl scent. I prayed over her in my arms. I teared up holding her, realizing that in just the short time since she’d been born, she had been through more pain and medical care than I had my whole ten years. I loved holding her. I loved being her Aunt Laura. And I just knew God was going to heal her body.

    Halley died at 55 days old. I was devastated and everything I had believed about God was shattered. Wasn’t He good? How could He not heal her? He could have, but didn’t- how can He be good? My ten year old faith was suddenly put to the test in a way I couldn’t have imagined. God’s goodness seemed but a hopeful disappointment and I could not quite reconcile His so called goodness with what just happened. Going to the funeral and knowing her lifeless tiny body lay in the casket. Caskets that size shouldn't exist. Watching them lower it into the ground. My niece. I had no prior category for these feelings or this pain.

    I cannot emphasize enough how much the faith of my sister and my parents influenced my own faith in this season. To see my sister and brother in law bury their dead baby girl beneath the ground, and yet proclaim God’s goodness had such a profound impact on my watching heart. To observe my parents weep at the loss of their first grand baby, but cling to the truths of God’s Word in a way that made it seem alive and comforting and real profoundly shaped my faith. While I wrestled personally with God and His sovereignty over Halley’s death, I was led through it by the faith and strength of those I looked up to most. I saw God’s goodness and I felt His closeness, despite the horror of death and in the midst of the pain. It was then that I began to learn that God’s goodness was on display not in the causing of pain, but in enduring the pain with us.

    Halley would have been 18 years old this week. My faith has forever been marked by her life. She has shaped my resolve in His goodness and trustworthiness, not because of the external good gifts in a circumstantial sense, but because of the good gift of His presence in any and every circumstance. I yearn for heaven a little more because of her being there and am excited for the day I will see her fully healed. God did answer my faith-filled prayers to heal her, not in the way I expected, but in a much more significant, lasting way. He truly is a good God who gives good gifts, and being Halley’s “Aunt Laura” for 55 days was just that. Happy Birthday, Halley Girl.

"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." Job 13:15

Making it Matter, 

Laura Jones

Shabbat Shalom

      For eight months now the Jones family has been observing Shabbat (the Hebrew word for Sabbath, meaning rest) each week and it has been the second most life-changing, fruit-producing choice of 2021 (the first being abstaining from our social media accounts.) I have done a deep dive into the God ordained gift of Sabbath, which first makes its appearance in Genesis 2. God works for six days and rests on the seventh from all his work, then blesses that day and makes it holy because He rested. I am a big advocate for seeking lifestyle from Genesis because it is a display of God's original design and intent for His creation & creatures. Often in our home when we process through different decisions from family planning to relationships to work to stewardship to identity, we start with the question, "Well, how did God intend this to be?" Of course we live in a world that doesn't reflect how God intended things to be but as we pray, "In our home as it is in heaven," we try to seek out God's design. 

    So the start of Sabbath was just God himself resting from work. Now, we all know God is limitless and does not grow tired or weary, so why rest? He did so as a pattern to set for us- work six days then rest. We next see Sabbath as one of the ten commandments in Exodus, proving that this was not a chill idea, but a God given command. A must. Non negotiable. Right up there with don't murder. There were lots of festivals throughout the year God commanded the Israelites to celebrate, but this one was weekly. Sabbath was one of the primary forms of discipleship within Israelite families to preserve the Truth of their history and the God that led them through it. God literally sets this command to remind them of who He is and what He has done for them (leading them out of slavery in Egypt.) He knows we are prone to forget His faithfulness. Also, to observe Sabbath was a statement of faith because these people had to work the land to have the food and provide all the things, so even taking one day to not do anything but rest was an acknowledgment of God as provider and that their trust was in Him, not in their own work. Also, let me just say, I am amazed that our God is a God who gives the gift of rest. What other God is like that?  Hint: none.   

    Now Sabbath is all throughout the Old Testament and there is so much more than my short overview, but what about in the New Testament? In the sermon on the mount, Jesus states this: "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least the stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside on of the least of these commands and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matt 5:17-19 So in general, Jesus makes clear the Law is not cancelled by Him, it is however fulfilled in Him. But we are still told to practice and teach these commands. (Side note: Jesus was a Sabbath-keeper.)

     Now that said, Jesus actually speaks directly about the Sabbath because the religious folk of the day, who were all in with following the Law in actions, but all out on having hearts fully devoted to God, needed some correction. The teachers of the Law were constantly trying to trap Jesus- they did not believe He was the Son of God and were determined to prove Him a blasphemer. In Mark 2, they called Him out for eating from grain fields with His disciples on Shabbat, what the Pharisees said was unlawful. And how Jesus responds to them is this: "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath..." (Read the full story in Mark 2.) The Sabbath was meant to be a gift FOR man, not man to be burdened by the Sabbath. The pharisees were constantly building laws around the laws to ensure the laws were kept and holding to standards beyond what God required. Talk about burdensome.

    Now, lest you think I am now advocating for legalistic Law following, let me share Colossians 2, where Paul says that in light of Jesus paying for our lawlessness on the cross, "Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality however is found in Christ." How is the reality of Sabbath found in Christ? That is precisely what we spend each Shabbat unpacking. We started observing Shabbat not out of a burden that we must, but rather out of a desire to receive the gift and follow the pattern God laid out for us in Genesis 2. We spend a 24 hour period every week remembering that we were once slaves to sin, but set free because of the blood the The Lamb, and can rest in the Truth that "It. Is. Finished." We, like the Israelites are prone to forget who our God is and what our God has done. We get caught up in the doing and the working and providing that we forget God is the One who truly provides and sustains. Jesus is the fulfillment because it is only through the work of Christ that we can truly rest. We can stop the striving and the working because of what He has done. I cannot advocate for Sabbath enough. In the chaos and busyness of our lives in culture today, it is GOOD and healthy and fruitful and a God-given gift to rest and remember. 

    So, just to give an idea of what it looks like in our home, we start Shabbat every Thursday evening at dinnertime. Our kids ask multiple times a week if it's Shabbat yet, they literally treat it like Christmas and we try to make it as fun, celebratory, gospel centered, and restful as possible....ya know with 3 kids under 6. We turn off our phones the entire 24 hours- probs the best part. At 6:30ish we light candles, sing a song, and often I will read from Deuteronomy and share how God commanded the Israelites to observe Sabbath: "Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore, the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day." Then I say to the kids, "We were not slaves in Egypt but we were slaves to what?" and they yell "SIN!" at an ungodly volume. Then we read from Romans 6, "But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin...you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness." I love the imagery in that Deuteronomy passage that says God brought them out with a "mighty hand and an outstretched arm", because Jesus on the cross with outstretched arms is what rescued us from our slavery too.

    Next, we all say Psalm 23 which the kids also yell and have completely memorized because we've been doing this 8 months. Jonathan then blesses each of our kids and me and then we eat. We eat good food. A feast. Typically made in foil tins that we eat on paper plates so there are no dishes to do after, because nothing feels more like work to me than a motherload of dishes. We let the kids have chocolate milk after dinner and have an extended bedtime routine, basically we read them a million books and sing a billion songs. Then J and I will hang out on the couch and talk or we'll sit at the table and play a game together. One night we even just read. Because no phones always means more reading. 

    Fridays we sleep in as much as the kids will let us and then we walk to our local breakfast treat spot. Cinnamon rolls for the win! As we indulge in this sugary breakfast we say, "Taste and see that the Lord is good!" Typically Jonathan will send me out of the house for a couple hours and I will have some time alone with God at our coffee shop. Our Fridays are not super structured, we just try to be outside and do a lot of family things. We then close out Shabbat in the evening by praying together and writing down things we are thankful for from the previous week. I love hearing what the kids are thankful for, although sometimes it is the silliest things, but tis the silly season of littles. Shabbat has been a highlight of our week, a faith growing experience individually, and has quickly become one of the pinnacles of our family culture. We have also gotten to incorporate both Jonathan's parents and grandma and my parents into our Shabbats and hope to do that monthly. We have loved getting intentional time with them after dinner where they share their own stories of God's faithfulness to them, which the kids and us love hearing. 

    Sabbath is meant to be a gift and we have experienced it as such. If you have any specific questions shoot me a text, I love sharing about this! And also a starting place I would recommend is the podcast, "Fight Hustle, End Hurry" by Jefferson Bethke and John Mark Comer. It was absolutely a catalyst for us starting this journey and has so many practical ideas to just start! 

Shabbat Shalom. 

Making it matter, 

Laura Jones