Who Am I?

    I watched a video where a kid asked Kamala Harris, the current Vice President of the United States, the best advice her parents had ever given her. This was her response: "One of the most important pieces of advice that I can offer you guys, and I want you to really remember this: Never let anybody tell you who you are. You tell them who you are. Never let anybody suggest to you that you are what they think you should be. You tell them who you are and who you know you are and who you intend to be. You got that?"

    Thankfully my kids didn't hear that advice because this is 100% the opposite of everything I want to do as a parent. Left to ourselves, we do not know who we are. The purpose of a created thing is found in the one who created it. Imagine having no knowledge of what an iPhone is for and using it as a coaster on the coffee table. I mean sure, it could be used a coaster, albeit an expensive one, but that’s really missing out on the fullness of its capabilities or designated purpose. A kid needs to be told who they are, whose they are, and why they are. These are the questions God answers in His Word. I will never stop telling my kids that they are image bearers of their Creator. That they were created by God on purpose and for a purpose. That they are boys (for my sons) and girls (for my daughters) by design and that is good. I will tell them that they are sons and daughters of Jonathan Jones who is the son of Larry Jones (who is the son of Ken and Billie Jones) and Judy Jones (who is the daughter of Don and Janelle Kavanaugh). And that they are sons and daughters of Laura Jones who is the daughter of Mark Hemingway (son of Jess and Grace Hemingway) and Paula Hemingway (daughter of Paul and Carolyn Mott) and so forth. As children they will be given a secured identity not made up through looking within, soul searching or trial and error, but because they will be told exactly who they are in the context of who came generations before them as well as in the context of God's great big story that they get to play a part in simply by being His creation. 

    The message of "you do you" is rampant in today's culture, encouraging people to decide who they want to be and then told to let no one stand in their way. While this has been a message for a while now aimed at adults, it is increasingly taking ground towards children. “You don’t need parents- you do you. Don’t let your parents hinder you.” This has now led to the drastic degree of “if who you are is a boy, but you want to be a girl, you can and should be a girl.” The intentional push for confusion on kids today is evil and inevitably leads to devastating consequences as well as instability and insecurity. If who we are is based on how we feel, then we will truly never find ourselves because feelings shift on the daily. If who we are is based on the opinions of others, then our identity will ebb and flow rising and falling in confidence. If who we are is based on what we accomplish or on our career, then it is contingent on how we perform, again unsteady. The concept of "finding yourself", outside of God's Word or design, leads to lifelong identity crises and insecurity. A secure identity is rooted in that which is unchanging. Or rather, Who is unchanging. When your identity is rooted in Christ, you are secure, not because of who YOU are, but because of who HE is in you. 

    As our culture steps further away from a fear of God, there is only increasing confusion on identity, and it is my life's work and passion to give my kids a foundation that provides confidence and security in their God given identity. I want my kids to celebrate all that it means to be created a boy or a girl and to walk proudly in that. I want my kids to increase in their confidence that every detail of how they were designed, from physical appearance to personality to giftings was purposefully crafted by God for them to use to glorify Him and serve others in a unique way. This is where people thrive. This is the foundation that builds into living out exactly who we were meant to be. To tell kids to just figure it out- from their gender to their attraction to their purpose in life- by considering how they feel, looking within, and then deciding all they want to be is a foundation for endless searching and confusion that leads to an adulthood of the same. This is why God gave kiddos parents. To help them navigate and discover and celebrate all God made them to be in a way that leads to healthy flourishing as they grow. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

    Micaiah, Essie, Gracie, and Corby, God created every detail of you who are on purpose. He knit you together in my womb and then carefully delivered you into this world at just the right time. He has made you fearfully and wonderfully and He is worthy of all your praise. Each of you are God’s workmanship. You were created in Christ to do good works that God has specifically prepared for each of you. It is my greatest privilege as your Mommy to call out all I see God crafting in you and to celebrate exactly who He has made you to be as His sons and daughters. All you may seek in life is found fully in Him.

 

Making it Matter,

Laura Jones  

Halley Raye

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

    I don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in God. I am grateful to have grown up in a home that was a foretaste of heaven. The kind of home that is safe and filled with love. The kind of home that made me think it reasonable to believe there was a good Father in heaven who gives good gifts. I could see His love and experienced His good gifts in a tangible way at home through my family. My mom taught me about Jesus and showed me who He was by the way she cared for me. She was present and comforting, tucking me in to bed each night, telling me stories, and always being available. Yes, it was natural to believe in a good God who gives good gifts.

    I am the youngest of 6 in my family and having my 5 siblings has always been one of my favorite of God’s good gifts. I have always deeply cared for my siblings and most of my childhood journals are filled with prayers for each of them. My oldest sister, Marla was 15 when I was born and started dating her now-husband, Nate when I was just 1. I really don’t know life without them together. When I was 10, I opened up a really good gift from them, which actually just represented another really good gift from my good God. I opened a blush pink shirt that had white letters ironed on spelling out in all caps, “AUNT LAURA.” When I opened it, I screamed. Loudly. I was so unbelievably excited. I have always been a baby person but as the youngest, I never got to have a little sibling. I was left only to care for my baby dolls, which I had many of and cared for quite well I must say. But this was a BIG deal to me. A new title: “Aunt Laura”. I just loved the sound of it and was so proud. After all, none of my friends were Aunts so I felt especially honored. When I found out they were having a baby girl, all my dreams really came alive. In my mind, I basically was going to be this girl’s second mom and change all the diapers and hold her all the time and pick out all her outfits. This was going to be so much better than a baby doll. My excitement overflowed.

    My niece, Halley Raye was born via c-section Jan 27, 2004 and immediately taken to NICU because of difficulty breathing. My 10 year old brain had limited understanding to any of the details going on, but all I knew was that she was sick and that we needed to pray for her. My parents had many family meetings with us where we spent time praying and reading Scriptures that gave hope and comfort. I knew Halley was sick and I knew God was going to heal her. I had no doubt. My faith in my good God who gives good gifts assured me that Halley would be okay. I put all my trust in that.

    We got to go see Halley in the NICU. She was hooked up to a breathing machine and had a feeding tube going up her nose, but I got to hold her. I proudly wore my “AUNT LAURA” shirt and held that baby girl’s warm body against it, taking in every detail about her. She had the most distinct smell, that fresh baby girl scent. I prayed over her in my arms. I teared up holding her, realizing that in just the short time since she’d been born, she had been through more pain and medical care than I had my whole ten years. I loved holding her. I loved being her Aunt Laura. And I just knew God was going to heal her body.

    Halley died at 55 days old. I was devastated and everything I had believed about God was shattered. Wasn’t He good? How could He not heal her? He could have, but didn’t- how can He be good? My ten year old faith was suddenly put to the test in a way I couldn’t have imagined. God’s goodness seemed but a hopeful disappointment and I could not quite reconcile His so called goodness with what just happened. Going to the funeral and knowing her lifeless tiny body lay in the casket. Caskets that size shouldn't exist. Watching them lower it into the ground. My niece. I had no prior category for these feelings or this pain.

    I cannot emphasize enough how much the faith of my sister and my parents influenced my own faith in this season. To see my sister and brother in law bury their dead baby girl beneath the ground, and yet proclaim God’s goodness had such a profound impact on my watching heart. To observe my parents weep at the loss of their first grand baby, but cling to the truths of God’s Word in a way that made it seem alive and comforting and real profoundly shaped my faith. While I wrestled personally with God and His sovereignty over Halley’s death, I was led through it by the faith and strength of those I looked up to most. I saw God’s goodness and I felt His closeness, despite the horror of death and in the midst of the pain. It was then that I began to learn that God’s goodness was on display not in the causing of pain, but in enduring the pain with us.

    Halley would have been 18 years old this week. My faith has forever been marked by her life. She has shaped my resolve in His goodness and trustworthiness, not because of the external good gifts in a circumstantial sense, but because of the good gift of His presence in any and every circumstance. I yearn for heaven a little more because of her being there and am excited for the day I will see her fully healed. God did answer my faith-filled prayers to heal her, not in the way I expected, but in a much more significant, lasting way. He truly is a good God who gives good gifts, and being Halley’s “Aunt Laura” for 55 days was just that. Happy Birthday, Halley Girl.

"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." Job 13:15

Making it Matter, 

Laura Jones

Shabbat Shalom

      For eight months now the Jones family has been observing Shabbat (the Hebrew word for Sabbath, meaning rest) each week and it has been the second most life-changing, fruit-producing choice of 2021 (the first being abstaining from our social media accounts.) I have done a deep dive into the God ordained gift of Sabbath, which first makes its appearance in Genesis 2. God works for six days and rests on the seventh from all his work, then blesses that day and makes it holy because He rested. I am a big advocate for seeking lifestyle from Genesis because it is a display of God's original design and intent for His creation & creatures. Often in our home when we process through different decisions from family planning to relationships to work to stewardship to identity, we start with the question, "Well, how did God intend this to be?" Of course we live in a world that doesn't reflect how God intended things to be but as we pray, "In our home as it is in heaven," we try to seek out God's design. 

    So the start of Sabbath was just God himself resting from work. Now, we all know God is limitless and does not grow tired or weary, so why rest? He did so as a pattern to set for us- work six days then rest. We next see Sabbath as one of the ten commandments in Exodus, proving that this was not a chill idea, but a God given command. A must. Non negotiable. Right up there with don't murder. There were lots of festivals throughout the year God commanded the Israelites to celebrate, but this one was weekly. Sabbath was one of the primary forms of discipleship within Israelite families to preserve the Truth of their history and the God that led them through it. God literally sets this command to remind them of who He is and what He has done for them (leading them out of slavery in Egypt.) He knows we are prone to forget His faithfulness. Also, to observe Sabbath was a statement of faith because these people had to work the land to have the food and provide all the things, so even taking one day to not do anything but rest was an acknowledgment of God as provider and that their trust was in Him, not in their own work. Also, let me just say, I am amazed that our God is a God who gives the gift of rest. What other God is like that?  Hint: none.   

    Now Sabbath is all throughout the Old Testament and there is so much more than my short overview, but what about in the New Testament? In the sermon on the mount, Jesus states this: "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least the stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside on of the least of these commands and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matt 5:17-19 So in general, Jesus makes clear the Law is not cancelled by Him, it is however fulfilled in Him. But we are still told to practice and teach these commands. (Side note: Jesus was a Sabbath-keeper.)

     Now that said, Jesus actually speaks directly about the Sabbath because the religious folk of the day, who were all in with following the Law in actions, but all out on having hearts fully devoted to God, needed some correction. The teachers of the Law were constantly trying to trap Jesus- they did not believe He was the Son of God and were determined to prove Him a blasphemer. In Mark 2, they called Him out for eating from grain fields with His disciples on Shabbat, what the Pharisees said was unlawful. And how Jesus responds to them is this: "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath..." (Read the full story in Mark 2.) The Sabbath was meant to be a gift FOR man, not man to be burdened by the Sabbath. The pharisees were constantly building laws around the laws to ensure the laws were kept and holding to standards beyond what God required. Talk about burdensome.

    Now, lest you think I am now advocating for legalistic Law following, let me share Colossians 2, where Paul says that in light of Jesus paying for our lawlessness on the cross, "Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality however is found in Christ." How is the reality of Sabbath found in Christ? That is precisely what we spend each Shabbat unpacking. We started observing Shabbat not out of a burden that we must, but rather out of a desire to receive the gift and follow the pattern God laid out for us in Genesis 2. We spend a 24 hour period every week remembering that we were once slaves to sin, but set free because of the blood the The Lamb, and can rest in the Truth that "It. Is. Finished." We, like the Israelites are prone to forget who our God is and what our God has done. We get caught up in the doing and the working and providing that we forget God is the One who truly provides and sustains. Jesus is the fulfillment because it is only through the work of Christ that we can truly rest. We can stop the striving and the working because of what He has done. I cannot advocate for Sabbath enough. In the chaos and busyness of our lives in culture today, it is GOOD and healthy and fruitful and a God-given gift to rest and remember. 

    So, just to give an idea of what it looks like in our home, we start Shabbat every Thursday evening at dinnertime. Our kids ask multiple times a week if it's Shabbat yet, they literally treat it like Christmas and we try to make it as fun, celebratory, gospel centered, and restful as possible....ya know with 3 kids under 6. We turn off our phones the entire 24 hours- probs the best part. At 6:30ish we light candles, sing a song, and often I will read from Deuteronomy and share how God commanded the Israelites to observe Sabbath: "Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore, the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day." Then I say to the kids, "We were not slaves in Egypt but we were slaves to what?" and they yell "SIN!" at an ungodly volume. Then we read from Romans 6, "But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin...you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness." I love the imagery in that Deuteronomy passage that says God brought them out with a "mighty hand and an outstretched arm", because Jesus on the cross with outstretched arms is what rescued us from our slavery too.

    Next, we all say Psalm 23 which the kids also yell and have completely memorized because we've been doing this 8 months. Jonathan then blesses each of our kids and me and then we eat. We eat good food. A feast. Typically made in foil tins that we eat on paper plates so there are no dishes to do after, because nothing feels more like work to me than a motherload of dishes. We let the kids have chocolate milk after dinner and have an extended bedtime routine, basically we read them a million books and sing a billion songs. Then J and I will hang out on the couch and talk or we'll sit at the table and play a game together. One night we even just read. Because no phones always means more reading. 

    Fridays we sleep in as much as the kids will let us and then we walk to our local breakfast treat spot. Cinnamon rolls for the win! As we indulge in this sugary breakfast we say, "Taste and see that the Lord is good!" Typically Jonathan will send me out of the house for a couple hours and I will have some time alone with God at our coffee shop. Our Fridays are not super structured, we just try to be outside and do a lot of family things. We then close out Shabbat in the evening by praying together and writing down things we are thankful for from the previous week. I love hearing what the kids are thankful for, although sometimes it is the silliest things, but tis the silly season of littles. Shabbat has been a highlight of our week, a faith growing experience individually, and has quickly become one of the pinnacles of our family culture. We have also gotten to incorporate both Jonathan's parents and grandma and my parents into our Shabbats and hope to do that monthly. We have loved getting intentional time with them after dinner where they share their own stories of God's faithfulness to them, which the kids and us love hearing. 

    Sabbath is meant to be a gift and we have experienced it as such. If you have any specific questions shoot me a text, I love sharing about this! And also a starting place I would recommend is the podcast, "Fight Hustle, End Hurry" by Jefferson Bethke and John Mark Comer. It was absolutely a catalyst for us starting this journey and has so many practical ideas to just start! 

Shabbat Shalom. 

Making it matter, 

Laura Jones

No More Anxious Mama

     This Scripture impacts my motherhood most often. It frees me from fear. It gives me confidence amidst my lack of control. It helps me sleep at night. And it is this: "...all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Ps 139:16 tells me that every single one of my days has already been written. Which means my life will not end a moment before it's meant to. And here is where it really lets me exhale: every single day of each of my kids' lives has already been written. Which means their lives will not end a moment before they are determined to. This gives me incredible relief as a Mom. 

    Moms want to do everything in their control to keep their kids safe, healthy, and thriving. It is instinctual. We want with every fiber of our being to protect our kids. It starts when they're in the womb. We read about all the ways to keep baby safest and healthiest. We take on new diets, cut out different things, exercise more. The instinct starts immediately and only intensifies after birth. Because we feel the weighty responsibility of being the sole provider and sustainer of another human being, it brings out new depths of fear we had never experienced before. Every decision feels monumental.

     Marketing strategists target these fears and many-a product sell if they can tout keeping your little human safer. Maybe you've heard of the Owlet, for example. It is a baby monitor sock your baby wears at night that tracks their oxygen level and heart rate while they sleep and alerts you if something is off. I took this directly off their website: "Parents around the world trust Owlet every night to help them keep their babies safe...Now you can feel more confidence, more freedom, and more peace of mind knowing that Owlet is here to help you keep your baby safe." While I've never owned one, I am not condemning the product itself, but I am asserting that there is a better Place to put your trust if you want "more confidence, more freedom, and more peace of mind" in keeping your baby safe. And it would do parents around the world well to trust Him. Psalm 121 tells me that God will not slumber or sleep, but will constantly watch over His children. 

    Let me encourage you, Mama, that you are not the sole provider and sustainer of your child's life. That should bring great relief because at the end of the day, we are limited. We need sleep. We can not and do not have full control. While God is absolutely employing you to do the best you can to wisely steward and care for the child He has given you, it is ultimately Him who has all power and might and control. In Acts 17 it says, "He himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else...and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands...For in him, we move and live and have our being." Job 12:10 says, "In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." In His hand. He holds our baby's every breath. The whole book of Job, especially chapters 38-41 gives a sobering reminder of how big and mighty God is and how small and weak we are. It is best that our babes are in His hands because He is the true Provider and Sustainer. And also, He is good and loves our sweet dumplins more than we ever could. 

    Sometimes I'm tempted to think I can do a better job than God because I see things happen all around that are not good. We don't understand why He would allow some babies to die before ever taking their first breath. Can we really trust that God? I started asking this question at 11 years old after experiencing a heartbreaking loss of two babies in my family. In another post, I will share more of their story and how their lives and deaths have impacted my trust in God forever, especially since becoming a Mom. If anxiety is robbing you of the joy in Motherhood, I encourage you to cling to these truths:

    1. God has full control and we do not.     
    2. God is good and worthy of our trust.

Will you place your trust in Him today?

Making it matter,

Laura

Screen-Free Parenting

    If I were to let my kids have an hour of screen time per day, I would absolutely do it first thing in the morning, you know a little distraction for them so I can drink a cup of Joy, I mean Joe, and have some time in God's Word. Maybe even time to prepare breakfast for everyone without the whining soundtrack: "I don't want that. I don't like eggs today. Can I have a cookie?" Yes, morning would be ideal. Although, maybe it would be best to do the one hour screen time after breakfast that way I can unload last night's dishwasher run, then wash the breakfast dishes, wipe the table and sweep the floors so that we can be ready for lunch. Yes, that would be better. Although, I do have more energy in the mornings for motherhood tasks, so perhaps the best idea would be to save the one hour screen time for when I am losing momentum and need a little break. Somewhere between the lunch mess and afternoon rest time. Then I could probably even eat my own lunch or get some laundry going. That'd be nice. No wait, I just remembered the witching hour, between waking from nap and Daddy getting home. That's typically the point in the day where we are all on the verge of tears, when we have nothing but ungratefulness and complaining in our hearts. That would definitely be the most strategic time for screens.

     I could easily have the TV on at all times in our home; in fact, I could probably justify it as better for everyone. Something about motherhood and training little hearts exposes so much of the sin in my own. Most days I start out quite positive, His mercies are new every morning...but then upon preparing breakfast and the response being complaints, and then spills happening left and right, and one child nursing while another pees on the floor, and my positive attitude goes right out the window along with my patience and grace. But God. He is with me so near in those moments and I have no option but to get on my knees for help. And He helps me. He meets me there to supply a patience, joy, and grace that I just plum don't have without Him. Using screens makes it too tempting for me to check out of motherhood, to take an easy way out of some of the hard of training little hearts each day. And in doing that, to miss out on a closeness to God. I am confident that an hour a day would quickly evolve into much more. Because it happened last April. I budged on our normal no TV rule and got disney+, because lockdown and corona and staying at home and everyone else had it. What started as "maybe we'll watch an occasional something" quickly became a daily rhythm with a show here and a show there and my kids became crankier and more disrespectful each time we turned it off. We got rid of disney+. 

    Screens simply aren't a tool in the Jones parent tool box. I am big on home rhythms- patterns that reflect what it means to be home. When I think of what I want those patterns to be, I strive to filter our daily decisions to ensure that it feeds into those values. Screen time does not reflect our family values, goals, or the pattern we desire in our home. In general, we do not put the TV (or iPad or phones) on for our kids. It is not woven into the fabric of our home or a part of our schedules. It is not our go-to babysitter or the tool we use to occupy our kids' attention so we can get something done. It is not what we hand our kids on 10 hour road trips nor is it the pacifier we give their tantrums. Our kids very rarely watch TV in our home and that is intentional (now at the grandparents it's a different story and a special perk of going to visit them)! 

        TV is not only not a rhythm in our home for the kids, it is also not a rhythm for me and Jonathan. We do not have a TV in our bedroom & we spend very little of our marriage in front of one. We have found that playing games together or sitting on the couch talking in the evenings cultivates a deeper connectedness than bonding over a show ever has. I think the primary draw with TV for us is that it grants laziness...and in our flesh, we love to be lazy. It is far easier as a couple to sit down after a long day of training kids and working in the office to mindlessly watch a show together. It is so much easier to put the TV on for my kids when they get cranky than it is to work with them on their heart issues and my own, which let's be real is often the bigger problem. Even when it was just the two of us before we had kids, we would eat dinner at the dinner table every night and engage in conversation. We set a pattern at the start of our marriage that has only increased and strengthened with time. The table is our family's gathering place. A few months ago we actually moved our one TV into the garage because we primarily use it for workout videos and it was taking up quality space in the living room- the room for living, not the watching room- the room for watching. Although perhaps for some, watching is their living. 

    I think some Moms have found a healthy balance in the way they use screens in their home, not neglecting their jobs in any way, but utilizing it well without it taking over the home. Some moms may not be so tempted as I am. In no way do I intend to communicate that watching TV is sin, that putting a screen in front of your kids is wrong, or that as a couple enjoying a show together is bad. I am sharing what our family has chosen to do in hopes to encourage and inspire others to use all resources intentionally for God's glory. May we challenge the status quo of our culture, of motherhood, of marriage, of homes and strive to reflect the eternal Kingdom. Ultimately, as you hopefully see as a theme with all of my posts, the encouragement here is to seek God and be faithful to His leading. That may mean using TV as a tool in the mornings to occupy your kids so you can get a 30 minute quiet time in. That may mean instead of watching a show alone, finding a show you and your husband both enjoy and watching it together. Or it may mean getting rid of the TV altogether. God is faithful and following His lead is the way to thriving, in our homes as it is in heaven.

Making it matter,

Laura